- JEALOUSY: the abuser equates jealousy with love; he questions who the victim talks to, accuses her of flirting and is jealous of time she spends with others;
- CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: an abuser will attribute his controlling behavior to concern for his partner; as the relationship progresses, he may interfere with her rights to make personal decisions about school, her clothing or socializing;
- QUICK INVOLVEMENT: the abuser comes on very strongly at first, pressurizing the potential victim to commit;
- ISOLATION: tries to cut her off from all her friends and family, puts down everyone important to her, doesn’t “let” her talk on the phone or go out with friends;
- DUAL PERSONALITY and Overly Sensitive: explosive behavior and moodiness that can shift quickly; he’s easily insulted and seems to looks for fights blowing little things out of proportion;
- BLAMES OTHERS for PROBLEMS and FEELINGS: an abuser will blame others for his shortcomings; someone is always out to get him or is an obstacle to his achievements. The victim will be blamed for almost anything that goes wrong;
- VERBAL ABUSE: in addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, the abuser will degrade the victim, curse her and run down her accomplishments.
- RIGID SEX ROLES: the abuser expects a girlfriend to serve him: he will see women as inferior to men, weak, less intelligent and unable to be a whole person without a relationship;
- DOESN'T RESPECT VICTIM'S PRIVACY or PROPERTY an abuser may read the victim’s diary or email, break items that are special to her and take her things without asking;
- FORCE DURING ARGUMENTS: the abuser may hold down his partner, push or shove her or physically restrain her from leaving the room; also may punching doors, smash plates etc. this behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions) but is mostly used to frighten the victim into submission;
- USE of FORCE/MANIPULATION in SEX: makes sexually degrading jokes or remarks about victim, sulks to manipulate her into having sex when she does not want to. Also includes restraining partner against her will during sex, initiating sex while she is sleep, or demanding sex when she is ill or tired.
- PAST ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR: the victim may hear rumors that abuser has been abusive to a partner in the past for which the abuser will either blame the victim or deny
- THREATS of VIOLENCE: this consists of any threat of physical force meant to control the partner and may also include threats of suicide.
If you think you may be in a dangerous relationship, we recommend that you speak with a Domestic Violence Advocate. Call the Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-562-6025
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Domestic Violence 
